What is your Parenting Style?

“It is easier to build strong children than to repair broken men.”

-        Frederick Douglass

While there is no definitive theory on parenting and how children should be brought up, research has found that parenting styles exhibit a major influence on the development of a child. We, as parents, play a huge role in shaping our children’s emotional health, particularly during the early years of childhood.

India is a diverse country in terms of its languages, religion, ethnicity, and culture. With this diversity and changing times, family structures have changed immensely, however, researchers have revealed three features that consistently differentiate effective parenting styles from less effective parenting styles –

1. Acceptance of the child and involvement in the child’s life, which establishes an emotional connection with the child;

2. Behavioural control of the child through expectations, rules, and supervision, which promotes more mature behaviour; 

3. Autonomy granting, which encourages self-reliance. 

On the basis of how parents express their love for their children , how they deal with their needs and their wishes and how they exercise authority Diana Baumrind defined four parenting styles namely authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, uninvolved. The way we parent our child is reflective in our child's behaviour and how s/he adjusts himself with the norms of the family and the society. 

Think and Reflect: 

Mishthi, a 10-year-old little girl, already has a huge collection of dolls, but really wanted to buy a new doll that she saw in the market near her house. She asks her parents to buy it for her, but they refuse. The next day, while cleaning her room, the mother finds Rs. 100 hidden under her pillow, and upon further searching, the mother noticed some money missing from her wallet/purse; and realised that her daughter had stolen money. What should the parent do in such a scenario?

The answer lies in your choice whether you would punish, reinforce or ignore which further is dependent on the parenting style you prefer. Remember, your actions have a profound effect on your child’s thinking which in turn influences behaviour. 

लालयेत्पञ्च्वर्षाणि दशवर्षाणि ताडयेत् 

प्राप्ते तु षोडशे वर्षे पुत्रं मित्रवदाचरेत्  

Meaning: Up to the age of 5, love your child a lot; Up to the age of 10, be strict with her/him; But when the child reaches the age of 16, treat her/him like a friend.

Perhaps, this Sanskrit shloka encapsulates the spirit of parenting correctly. We, as parents, have the responsibility of ensuring that we raise our children right. It is our responsibility to ensure that our children are well informed and prepared for the harsh realities of the world. Our children are the legacy we shall leave behind, hence it is extremely important that we do not take this responsibility that is entrusted to us by mother nature for granted.

You can find out more about your parenting style by taking the following quizzes:

1.  www.psychologytoday.com/intl/tests/personality/parenting-style-test

2.  www.psychcentral.com/quizzes/parenting-style-quiz/

References

• Berk, L. E. (2013). Child development. Boston: Pearson Education.

• B. R. Sahithya, S. M. Manohari & Raman Vijaya (2019) Parenting styles and its impact on children – a cross-cultural review with a focus on India, Mental Health, Religion & Culture, 22:4, 357-383, DOI: 10.1080/13674676.2019.1594178