Child rage - Is it their fault always?

“The best way to make children good is to make them happy.” – Oscar Wilde

On 11th December 2007, in a shocking incident a 14-year-old boy studying in class VIII was shot dead by two of his classmates inside a school in Gurgaon. In another shocking incident on 21st January 2018, a class XII boy shot his principal dead for pulling him up for poor academic performance. Such cases have been heard of in other countries too, like on 14th December 2012, America was shaken to its core when a mass shooting occurred in the Sandy Hook Elementary School in the USA. 28 people died that fatal morning, amongst which 20 were children between the ages of 6 to 7. The shooter, Adam Lanza, was 20 years old and had a history of mental illnesses like Asperger’s Syndrome, depression, anxiety, and obsessive-compulsive disorder (OCD). He came from a broken family, where his parents were divorced and his father could barely stay in touch with him. Changes in the schooling structure, etc. became too much for him to bear, which increased the severity of his mental health issues; and the rest is history. According to a report issued by the Office of the Child Advocate (2014), "his severe and deteriorating internalized mental health problems... combined with an atypical preoccupation with violence... (and) access to deadly weapons... proved a recipe for mass murder". 

India has also witnessed a rise in reported cases of extreme behavior by children, including violent outbursts and aggression mirroring a concerning global trend. 

Thus, the circumstances in which we rear our children mould our children’s lives and we need to be very sensitive about it. Have you ever wondered what could be done to prevent such unfortunate instances from happening? 

A child is an individual under the age of 13 years, post which, she/he become adolescent, and the nature of her/his problem changes. Most children are unable to understand the nature of their problem, so how can we expect them to know how to talk about it? If your child is hesitant to share their concerns with you, it’s not because they don’t love you, but rather, they are scared of disappointing you or fear being judged.  Even as adults, it can be scary and daunting to ask for help, especially about our mental & emotional health, due to the stigma and taboo that surrounds these issues. So, imagine how difficult it must be for children to talk about their problems. 

Step 2 : Be Alert

It is important to note that poor emotional health can affect a child’s mental health adversely. Hence, the best we can do as parents is to keep an eye out for the warning signs that indicate that your child may be experiencing psychological problems and may require counseling. For example, a child who has begun to behave “out of character” and/or who has suddenly started exhibiting behavioral issues or aggression – in ways that are not considered “normal behavior” for children of that age, may need to speak to a counselor. 

Common signs of mental health issues or psychological distress include:

• Unprovoked aggression

• Leakage of urine

• Difficulty adjusting to social situations and/or new situations

• Recurrent nightmares, night terrors, and/or sleep difficulties like insomnia

• Low grades or a sudden academic decline

• Constant worry and anxiety

• Social withdraw from activities your child once liked or loved to do

• A noticeable and/or sudden loss of appetite and/or extreme weight loss

• Repetitively performing rituals and routines like hand-washing

• Suicidal ideations (thoughts) or attempts

• Your child responds to voices he/she hears in his/her head

• Spending most of his/her time alone or engaging in voluntary social isolation

• Alcohol and/or drug use, abuse, or addiction

• Increased physical complaints, despite a healthy report from a medical professional

• Engaging in self-harm practices, such as cutting oneself

Common experiences that may induce mental health issues and psychological distress include: 

• Divorce

• Grief and the death of a loved one, pet, home, etc.

• Witnessing or experiencing a traumatic event(s)

• Mental health conditions and psychological distress (i.e. anxiety and depression)

• Bullying

• Sexual, emotional, and/or physical abuse

• Relocation issues (i.e. changing schools, homes, families, and/or cities/states)

• Family substance abuse or addiction

• Low Self-Esteem & Self-Confidence

 
What Can Be Done? 

If your child has undergone any of the experiences mentioned above and has showcased some behavioral difficulties, it may be wise to consult a child therapist or a child counsellor. As a parent, you want nothing but your child's welfare and happiness, but often problems occur that you simply cannot "fix" on your own – particularly when you are as mentally and emotionally invested in the situation as you are as a parent. That is when leaning on someone with expertise in the area is best.

At Abhyast, we believe in creating spaces conducive for open communication. We look forward to hearing from you, feel free to reach out to us at contact@abhyast.in

References

• https://www.therapytribe.com/therapy/child-counseling/

• https://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/childrelatedissues.html#howischildcounsellingdifferent

• https://childmind.org/article/why-parents-are-silent-about-mental-illness/

• https://www.newyorker.com/magazine/2014/03/17/the-reckoning

• https://economictimes.indiatimes.com/news/politics-and-nation/shootout-in-gurgaon-school-one-killed/articleshow/2614968.cms

• https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sandy_Hook_Elementary_School_shooting

• http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/articleshow/62586323.cms?utm_source=contentofinterest&utm_medium=text&utm_campaign=cppst